“Poverty may be the mother of crime, but lack of good sense is the father” © Jean de la Bruyere

Recently our HR has been auditing job applications of our current employees. We found out that a few of them lied on their applications.  All of them lied on the same question. Have you ever committed a crime, or been convicted of a felony. So me and my partner who will be known as Jefe, had to take care of 2 guys.

It is D-Day, me and Jefe show up early. We have to meet up with our HR and go over the paper work, and make sure everything is in order for the terminations. I asked our HR what exactly showed up on “Jesse’s” background check? She just replied that it was REALLY bad. Kind of strange, since I have been with the company Jesse has been one of the nicest and best employees we have.

Jesse rolls into work and Jefe goes to the breakroom to let him know we needed to see him. Jesse comes in the room and we let him know what was going on. It went pretty well suprisingly. Apparently our GM had talked to him about his infraction a week before. So Jesse knew it was coming. Jesse then asks what showed up on the check? Our HR tells him a lot, he asks if the Arson, and stalking charges showed up. She said yes and a lot more!!! WTF?!!! Next time tell me that the muthafucka I am terminating is a fucking psycho and might come back and kill me. Shit you putting my life in danger.

After it was all taken care of, we walked Jesse out and gave him our best. He was a damn good worker, I was kind of pissed that we were losing him. So we head back into the HR’s office and chat with her for a minute. She pulls out his background check and well dude is lucky he is a free man. This is the list of charges the best I could remember. Arson, 3 gun charges, stalking, attempted murder, grand theft auto, car jacking, oh yeah and another arson.

Apparently most of this happened before the 3 strikes law went into effect, cuz if this happened after 1990 then he would definitely be doing 25 to life. But he does have 2 strikes on him now. Plus he did a total of 15 years in prison over the course of 4 or 5 bids. Thankfully he seems to be a changed man. I really dont like the idea of having to look over my shoulder every time I leave the building.

“You know a G.E.D. is bullshit. Let me get this straight, I can make up 4 years in 6 hours?” © Chris Rock

I always like walking around the office and looking at how people decorate their cubicles. Usually you have pictures of kids, drawings your kids did, maybe a calendar with kittens, and some times you get cool action figures. I don’t spend much time in my cubicle, so I don’t have shit in it. I have a phone, my LCD, a sticky note pad, and that’s it. I have been meaning to pimp it out. Maybe throw a Dodgers calendar in there or something.

But take this cubicle below, it seems normal enough. She is representing her favorite football team. The standard school picture’s of her children. Looks like a few office memo’s hanging, can’t forget about the new covers for your TPS reports. Also what looks like literature or a crossword book for lunch time. Then what do we have here is that her bachelors degree?

Lets take a closer look.

Yep she has her good enough diploma displayed proudly for all to see. I mean hooray for her for going back to school and getting it done. But having the damn thing hanging in your office is not whats hot in the streets. Whats next your license plate making certificate from that 3 year bid you did up north?

“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.” © Flora Whittemore

Sorry for not updating the blog in a while. I have had a lot of shit to deal with out here in the real world. Times in the warehouse have been tough. The company hasn’t been profitable since the start of the calendar year, and we were recently sold. All of this and just being stuck with no where to grow led to me looking for greener pastures.

Since the beginning of the year I have been on a search for a new job. I sent my resume out EVERYWHERE, and couldn’t get a serious call back for the life of me. I figured people would be blowing up my phone with offers with my experience. I was wrong, the job market is rough right now. There are 20 guys like me or better looking to work at the same places I was applying for. I know I can get any job I interview for, but the problem was getting to an interview.

But perseverance paid off. After 2 offers that had to be jokes, I got a serious offer. So I just finished out my 2 week notice in HELL, and start a new life. Now I am getting paid what I am worth, no more 70 hour work weeks, and finally a company with some structure.

Yes I know you are wondering what is going to happen to this wonderful planet you have created in the universe known as the internet? Hopefully nothing. I am just moving to another warehouse. Through talking with other people in my position in the industry, all warehouses have crazies. I will still give you guys updates from the old job. I easily have another 20 or so that I haven’t shared. Its all about sitting down and typing them out.

So don’t you worry. I am sure this new bunch of employees will give me even more stories. Plus its a chance for you all to meet up with some new characters.

So check up on me from time to time. Don’t give up on me just yet. Thanks for reading and may the force be with you.

“Dope never helped anybody sing better or play music better or do anything better. All dope can do for you is kill you - and kill you the long, slow, hard way.” © Billie Holiday

so so so its been a while since one of these knuckleheads went and did some stupid shit. Some of you might know about how rough its been here this past year. These guys have barely been getting 30 hours a week at best. They haven’t worked a full 40 since December. The company USED to pay for our benefits. Well they stopped that and make us pay, which is fine. Most companies do this, but they also dropped our Dental and switched to a different carrier and our Health is worse.  They also switched our schedule from Mon-Fri, to Mon-Thurs and Saturday. So 3 of the guys on my crew who had weekend jobs  now lost their weekend jobs because they cant work Saturday.

A lot of the guys in the warehouse have been struggling financially. Well looks like one of them decided to get a different kind of job. The grandmother fucker(Rich) runs his own warehouse. Apparently his cousin slangs. His cousin has been paying him to store the supply at his crib because he didn’t want the cops at his house. So for who knows how long he has been holding the product, and people have been going by his crib to pick up their orders. He didn’t show up for work yesterday. Today I got a call from his girl, and he is locked up. They raided the crib and found 1 key.

This explains a lot because his crib has been broken into 3 times in the last few months. He has told me about dudes watching him, his girl has called him at work scared cuz dudes are parked across the street watching the house. This guys just needs to log off of life. He has a son by his grandmother, him and his girl blew through 500k in lotto winnings in under a year, and now he has been arrested for slanging that yayo.

“just say no, just say no to drugs” © LA  Lakers

“you are NOT the father?” © Maury Povich

well we got this guy at our warehouse named Bill. Bill is an older cat, 53 years old. He used to drive a bobtail for us. He ended up getting another job. But he came back to work in the warehouse part time at night for extra dough because his wife who is 24 went to Mexico to visit her family with their 2 year old daughter was not let back into the states because something was wrong with her paperwork. So she was stuck in Tijuana.

Poor Bill now had to start jumping through all these hoops so that he could get her back. One of the problems was she was caught trying to come into the states illegaly TWICE! They never told him before it would be a problem. But some where along the process getting caught held up some important paperwork.

Okay well Mrs. Bill has been back now for about 2 months. It took Bill about 4 months and $750 in paperwork fees to get her back. But now Bill is saying she is pregnant. She just found out, and she is 2 months pregnant. Now I know what you’re thinking, shit I was thinking the same thing. But I didn’t say shit to Bill. Well one of the knuckleheads in the warehouse said something to him, and Bill kind of laughed it off. But I think he might even suspect something. I mean c’mon, his wife is younger than his 2 older kids. She was gone for 4 months in Mexico. Now she comes back pregnant.

Well we have 7 more months before she gives birth to a baby that looks nothing like him, POSSIBLY. So for now the story ends here. But it may be continued at a later date. I sure hope he doesn’t end up on Maury. If he does end up on Maury, I hope he can dance.

“It’s a living thing, Brian. It breathes, it eats, and it hates. The only way to beat it is to think like it. To know that this flame will spread this way across the door and up across the ceiling, not because of the physics of flammable liquids, but because it wants to.” © Robert De Niro in Backdraft

This is a really really old story. It has never been told before, I only remembered it because of the story from last week of the car catching on fire.

let this clip play while reading this story.

4 years ago back when I first started at my current job. I was there maybe 3 months. I was about 2 months away from running the show like I am today. I had this youngster named Derron. Derron lived all the way out in Compton. Our warehouse at the time was in Chino. For those of you who don’t live in Southern California thats about 45 miles. Now making that drive to be at work at 8am is about 2 hours long.

When I hired Derron I asked him if the commute would be a problem, he just wanted a chance. D told me that there were no good paying jobs where he lived so he came out this way, and was looking to move out here if everything went well. Fuck it. D seemed like a nice enough kid. I brought him on and he stayed true to his word. He was on time everyday, and was a damn good worker.

About 2 months into his employment D is running late. Its 20 or so after 8 and no D, no call, nothing. I know about his commute, and any little accident can fuck everything up. So no worries. Now its 9am and still not even a call. Now I am getting a little worried. Either he got tired of the drive and just decided to stop coming in, or he had car troubles. I give his house a call to see if he is home. His mom said he left for work at his normal time, I gave her my number and asked if she would let me know if she finds anything out. Now its coming on 10am and my phone rings. I answer expecting D’s mother. Its D!

me: you alright man?

D: sorry I’m not there, this is the first chance I had to call you. I am having car troubles.

me: thats cool man, thanks for the call. What happened?

D: my car caught on fire.

me: …WHAT?

D: my car caught on fire. I was on the freeway about 15 minutes from work, and black smoke started coming from my hood. So I pulled over to check it out. As soon as I popped the hood flames started shooting out.

me: …

D : so I went inside my car and grabbed a blanket and tried putting the fire out. Then someone pulled over and called 911. He had a few gallons of water in his car so we threw it on the fire.

me: you’re not supposed to put water on an oil fire!

D: I know now. It spread and the whole front end caught on fire. So I just walked away from the car, watched and waited for the fire department to get there.

me: *shaking my head*

D: anyways I’ll be at work in a few. I am having the tow truck drop my car off at work since we are so close already. The insurance adjuster will be out to look at it tomorrow, is that ok?

me: sure.

So D shows up about 20 minutes later and his car was burnt to a crisp. I guess the fire spread to the whole car. Poor kid, he had to quit because he no longer had a ride to get to work.

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” © Brooke Shields

So earlier I was out in our yard doing a check on trailers. I smell something burning. We have an ashtray outside and sometimes they forget to empty it and the cigarette butts catch on fire. So I walk over to the ash tray to put out the fire, and nothing. So I follow my nose © tucan sam. The smoke is coming from the parking lot. Hmmm maybe someone’s car is over heating. I start checking all the cars and I see one filled with smoke. One of my warehouse guys. I get on my walkie talkie and let my lead inside know to tell dude his car was smoking from the inside. That dude comes running out with a fire extinguisher. He opens the door and no fire. Just a whole lot of smoke coming off of his door. We sprayed the inside of his door with the extinguisher. Let it sit for a few minutes until the smoke clears. His whole door panel is melted. All the plastic is deformed and most of it melted down into the little pocket on the inside of the door.

Turns out he smokes in his car and we think an ash fell in his door and lit a stack of papers he had in there. I didn’t catch it until an hour after he clocked in. So the fire must have burnt for a solid hour + before I noticed it. Hes lucky the seat and upholstery didn’t catch on fire. Sadly I have no pics

“I see the bitch in you when you don’t speak your mind. The bitch in you, looking me in my eyes lyin. I see the bitch in you, simply hard, you find. The bitch in you but yo it’s coming out.” © Common

Here is another oldie but goodie.

So we had this youngster named Bobby. He was the brother inlaw to one of my better guys. He came on board and worked out great. Bobby hustled, and was able to move freight as fast as some of my vets. About a month in his brother inlaw moved to work day’s, leaving Bobby all alone .

Almost instantly Bobby went from my best guy to the worst employee. He got lazy, mouthy, and really fucking annoying. I had to have a talk with him, and let him know I noticed his change and reminded him of his 90 day probation. I guess it lit a fire under his ass, because he was back to his normal self.

Now Bobby was on board for 2 months and one of my faster guys. The thing was he was really cocky. He was good, and he let the other guys know it. So you have this young 19 year old kid who just came aboard and is out hustling you, and is being loud and obnoxious about it. Everyone kind of took sides, and Bobby didn’t have any friends.

Bobby was a bit over weight. About 5′6″ 310 lbs. Just a little. Now if I was that big, I wouldn’t be talking shit. I would have known what was coming. Well he liked talking shit. So I guess one day he is working and calling the other guys old and slow. One of the guys gets tired of him and throws a fat joke Bobby’s way. Right away Bobby walks to the restroom with his hands over his eyes.

Now I ain’t gonna lie. I was giggling. This pudgy mufucka is gonna talk all this shit, the minute someone says something to him he runs away ready to cry. But I had to see if he was okay, so I gained my composure and went to talk to him.

Now Bobby is in front of the restroom pacing back and forth breathing in and out really deep and heavy. I didn’t know if it was from the pacing or if he was upset. So I ask if he was alright. Bobby starts breathing heavier and goes to answer and tears start pouring down his face. Then he mumbles a sentence I couldn’t understand in between the heavy breathing and sniffling. Now at this point Bobby has turned into a 3 year old who just got spanked for acting like a fool in public. His breathing was so heavy, he has to catch his breath every few seconds, and tears are coming down his face. This grown ass man is crying over 1 fucking joke. It took everything I had not to break character. From what I could understand he asked for a few minutes to calm down.

Five minutes later he comes into my office apologizes for blowing up. He just said he hated when people made fun of him. So I asked why he was talking shit if he didn’t want anyone else to talk shit. Of course he had no answer. I told him to get back to work, I would talk to the guys and as long as he kept from throwing jabs at folks they would leave him alone.

So I had to talk to my whole fucking crew over this little pussy not being able to take a joke. Before I was even done talking to each guy 1 on 1, I heard that Bobby was out there talking shit again.

Now I know what some of you are thinking, awww maybe he has been made fun of his whole life for being overweight. Nah this kid was just a straight up BITCH! He broke down into tears 4 different times during his 5 month stay with the company. One of the times he was mad because he felt my lead wasn’t working hard enough. Another time because 2 guys came in late and it put the crew behind. The last 3 times were because we had to work over time and he was tired. God I am glad that little fucking vagina is gone.

Welcome to my new home

This is the 2nd post in my new home. The other is down there *points below*. But I came to wordpress because it had a few more options that blogger didn’t have. Plus I like the templates a lot better. Since I am not CSS savvy I am pretty much stuck with whatever they offer for free. But one of the new things I wanted to point out is the employees listing in the right column. Basically click that pull down menu and click on your favorite employee and it will bring up all of his stories. Thought it was a pretty cool feature. Anyways this is my new home, forget the other link place I will be deleting it within the next month.

"Strippers are people too naked people who may be willing to pleasure you for a price you negotiate later behind the curtain of a VIP room" © Peter Griffin

This is an older story, but it needs to be in the archives.

Three kids used to work in the warehouse Manny(19), Memo(19), and Raul(19). All best friends and all carpooled to work together everyday. They were all pretty good workers and really friendly with the other guys in the warehouse. They always wanted to go to the strip club. But the older guys on the crew had families and kids, and couldn’t spend their money on bullshit like the 3 teens could, since they still lived with their moms © Thirstin Howl The III.

So one night after work they couldn’t get anyone to tag along to the nudie bar, so they go alone. Next day they come back talking about we should have went, and that the strippers were putting out. *PAUSE* So Apparently for a small fee the 3 amigos were able to run a train on the stripper. Yep they paid for the pussy, and bragged about it. The worst part of it all is I was the only one disgusted by this. All the other guys were giving them props. Talking about they are gonna go with them next time. Call me crazy but I ain’t trying to run up in NO woman, while she is still warm from my boy running in here.

Best part is nobody used a condom. Sadly they don’t work here anymore my very first blog post was about them quitting. But I know this wasn’t the last time paid for pussy. I guarantee one of them has had to visit the clinic since they quit. So I guess the world may never know.